This is something that I have thought about since my friend Mitch in YFC started talking about his new spiritual director 4 years ago at a Student Led Ministry team Retreat, I was at in so cal. Since then it has always been something on my mind and I thought to myself off and on through the years, why not?
They seem to many to be something that is strange, but most often foreign. I will have to say that this has been something that I have pushed away as something that is for "other people" and not me. However, as we walk through ministry, (now entering my 6 th year of Full Time Youth Ministry, wow) if we do not take time to invest in our own relationship with Christ, how can we expect that we will continue living healthy personally, as well as having a healthy ministry. We cannot.
I have over the last year been attending once a month spiritual retreats from Eagles Wings actually led by my pastor and his wife which have indeed brought me life. So much life that I believe it has prompted me to take the next step. Also I am planning on attending a Spiritual Retreat Weekend with Jayne Price, through Mount Hermon...cuz sometimes you need so life breathed into ya. It starts on Halloween and its for the weekend, and I am excited because Jayne is amazing and she has told me wonderful things about it.
So I write here that I am looking into finding finally a spiritual director. Pray for me and guidance, as well as an openness. If you are in ministry or have been a christian for a while its something that I would encourage. Because I have waited way too long...it would be a shame if you did too. So I sit resting in his presence and taking in all that he has in front of me as gifts & beauty.
PS. I don't think I am lost spiritually just paying attention to the fact that MY walk is so important that I need to pay attention to it. So please don't call for fear that I am loosing it... just know I value your prayers. Know that I am excited to see What God is beginning to do in me yet once again.
It seems that no matter where I am, the office, the home, the friends' house, the boys' house, or the Coffee House. I always with out fail am the one that finds, "THE EMPTY TOILET PAPER ROLE" What are the odds that I would find these roles in multiple bathrooms across the state? I would say that I have about an 80% chance of walking into a bathroom and finding an EMPTY or Next to Empty Role. It has become a joke among some friends and co workers that they will hear me say, "its my spiritual gift to find empty Toilet paper roles" I have to say as far as spiritual Gifts go, I am really using this to its full glory.
But seriously it made me think, and then laugh and then think again. This is where my thoughts ventured to.
To often in life there are those of us that just love people. We love so much that it hurts from time to time... with a rush of emotion we pause and realize that we indeed have forgotten again about self. Which in our minds is silly because self and should not need anything. I would say that we even go as far as to say with our relationship with Christ, we to pour into and yet do not pause to be poured into by Him the only one that can give us the energy to love anything. Until that one day or moment where every place we turn feels void on some level. It is the thought of which I say everything is so good right now, why do I run on empty. Why am I with every turn finding the empty toilet paper roll in my life.
As I spoke with a dear friend, the other day we realized that we, for being a christian as long as we have, that we know what we need to do, however most often we fail to actually do what we need or should do. We know how we should feel about our relationship with Christ, yet we pause and forget the essentials. So here I go...back to the essentials that I know I should be present in.
Alas its been a busy few weeks I am just trying to stay awake and say hello to as many people as possible. Where has the Summer gone when I have only been once to the beach, and it was really windy, but we laughed and enjoyed it ALL!! Life in a nut shell has not been easy, its been fun but has not been easy.
Have you ever had the weeks where you just need to keep a running tab of what is next because you end up forgetting what you just did with enough time to forget what is next. shoot! That's how I feel. I will say that the beauty of it all is while life is indeed crazy, Pherf (the boy) makes life easy. He makes me smile, he makes me laugh, he brings me flowers and we hang out with many, many friends both his and mine. Seriously in the midst of the chaos we have had two BBQ's with friends multi: splatt & Kim, Sammy, Cassie, Isaac, & Andrea, & Lunch with Becca & her Boy, Dot & Leslie, Dinner and a movie with Frits & Carrie, lots of Hummus with Monica, Grete, Ginny, Andrea, Moses, & Isaac, went to the Boardwalk with sweet Angie, Gator and Tuesday, hung out at Chris' new place with Alison, ahhh Did I mention that during that time I feed the DC 2008 Staff at my house, & last week my power was out.... Somehow we manage to have full time jobs and I still care for him more with each day. In all this craziness, keeping in mind that I was out of town for one full week with tomorrow at 7:30 am RAFTING with Jr Highers.
Something that I didn't talk about yet is that I just returned from our Houseboat trip 2008 with my High school students. It was amazing and stressful, and such a joy. I am still trying to unpack it all in my head. Its not easy. From my graduated seniors who I had a hard time being around cuz i didn't know how to say goodbye, and the truth is...I miss them already. To laughing at my new freshman who are just trying to figure out what this whole High School thing is about. To the water level dropping by the second and us having to move the houseboats by having 20 guys push the boat while the ladies are in the back jumping in order to dislodge the muck from the boats. I really didn't see the point half the time but new this stress was a necessity, I will not lie I asked God to stop dropping the water level but He had other plans.
So I sit her not packed for my 3 day adventure its 12:30 sitting with a full stomach of Crepe Place delight...I ponder...where has the time gone...and where has my energy come from. I honestly woke up early on the houseboat trip on 3 of the 5 mornings...I know right WHO THE CRAP AM I. But the Point is that I was able to see this what I used to call a myth, of the water being glass on the lake. WOW. I was in awe. Tonight I cling to that image of tranquility and Beauty, and I look forward to the unknown Chaos of a Jr High trip. So Pray for us : )
I have worked at High Street as many things for almost 3 complete years now. Strange How time indeed does fly. I have meant to write this blog for a while but the time as always has slipped away. I started in December of 2005 I left YFC Kern County and came to Santa Cruz to embark on an experience of growth, life, and fun, entering into a youth group, as an, office assistant & youth intern, Then it changed to a Youth Assistant or something.
However on the 13Th of July I was officially called as a pastor on the High Street community staff. Its strange because this whole process has been an evolving thing, and yet the whole time I have been enjoying every minute, even the hard ones.
God has really been blessing me with a partner that is like a brother, he challenges me, laughs at me, and is proud of me. We work I think as a pretty dynamic team working. I have fallen in love with santacruz, the kids, and this one volunteer (but that's a different story).
Its still kind of surreal to tag officially the word "pastor" on as a title for me but, I think it will grow in me. The biggest fear in general is just the responsibility that that title carries. So I continue to attempt to be grounded in where HE wants me to be. And Pray he will help me "feed my lambs...feed my sheep" John 21