As the days moved closer, I began to ask more questions as to what the day might hold.
There would be a 3 mile hike in, and a 3 mile hike back out, we would walk along some rocks in the river, we would find a waterfall, stop at places to cliff jump off of, and swim through many pools of water. I would need my outdoor shoes, a camel back, & any item to join us would have to know that, "on this adventure, everything gets wet!"
Everything seemed fine... until a few days before the trip... I begin to realize that even though we are a few months before our wedding I am in the worst shape of my life... this excursion could be painful. I also recalled the last time i was at a hiking adventure and remembered THE ROCKS. Oh the Rocks, how I hate them. If we combine my lack of Balance and fear of Falling the thought of walking on WET rocks TERRIFIED ME.
Melinda, "Are these rocks, small rocks?"
Pherf, "No, they are these really great boulder rocks, that are all kinds of different sizes, and really fun to walk on"
Melinda, "would you say that the rocks are a Small portion of the trip?"
Pherf, "Ehh I would say they are more than half of the trip"
Melinda, "....silence.... long pause....."
Pherf, "You ok my love??"
Nothing in me wanted to back out, but I had to tell him, I was terrified to go on this trip. I didn't want to embarrass myself or him in front of his friends. So after a long conversation and an amazing Fiance assuring me that everything was going to be OK...and that if I didn't want to do something I didn't have to.
We started our day with collecting our crew of 13 random people. We began our decent in I felt pretty good about it and was having wonderful conversation the whole time... don't mind me sweating horribly. eeek. After a few miles on the fire trail, we made it to the top of the trail that would lead us down to the River. There at the top we ran into many of my people seeking the same river and waterfall we where going to. Of course the boy talked with them and payed no attention to the man with the machete, but calmly (of Course) asked if they had gone before and if they knew how to swim. apparently I am the only mexi that was excited about the swimming portion and apparently everyone else was fine with these stupid rocks.
I must say that for me the "prideful person" that I am was indeed frustrated with the rocks. I slipped, I stepped on every unsteady rock, my feet slide off and under half of the rocks, I was most constantly the last person on the adventure to catch up to the group.
In the midst of one of my "Moments of Frustration" I looked up to see my fiance, just smiling at me. On numerous occasions he just... he just loved me well. He encouraged me, and was just so happy that I was with him. My attitude, was littered with sadness that I was not in shape, with fear that my muscles where about to give, & my knees could take no more.
Yet my love, smiled and held my hand, and hugged me as I felt like I was done. More than anything he loved me beyond what I expected. I expected him to be mad at me, or be embarrassed by me... all my expectations of how someone would treat me where thrown to the side.
Many times as he held my hand and patiently walked with my I felt my emotions rise, as he calmly looked me in the eyes and said, "your letting your frustration get the best of you, relax I am here with you, I love you."
...Who am I that I should deserve such love from a man... when I look back at this silly day I am in awe as how God used it to show me once again that I am so easily down on myself, and so un-willing to accept help from others especially those I love. I couldn't take my eyes off the rocks because I felt trapped in a prison of fear. I could not enjoy the company, nor the beauty that surrounded me due to my fear. The Psalm comes to my mind. ohh the lessons from this Psalm, sigh... The older I get the more I have to learn and re-learn.
"I lift my eyes to the hills -
Where does my help come from?
My Help comes from the LORD,
the maker of heaven & earth.
He will not let your foot slip -
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you -
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm -
he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both NOW & FOREVERMORE."