"Take Your Knife & Confront your Ducks" Julia Child

A few weeks ago I wandered through the redwoods and into my dear friends play room. With squealing children, laughter, blocks, & trains... We pondered, we cried, we sought what might God have, What might be next. It is these times in my life that i understand our dear deep relational God when I catch a glimpse from, my dear friends who never cease to amaze me, the ways they always point me to the truth, and always pointing out the truth in what I am saying. It is these people that constantly do this in my life that I know I am blessed beyond understanding, by rich (in character), family, friends, and amazing husband.

A few weeks ago I blogged about "what do housewife's do?" in response to many that seemed troubled by it, I still hold to what I wrote. I have had more time to walk through it all I know these things are true:

• I know there is cleaning to do, but that is not me (don't worry I am still cleaning), its not what defines me. cleaning and organizing is more of the given. cuz I did that when i worked a 50 to 70 hour work week too.
• I LOVE my Husband and I love being his wife more than I can express, and my last blog was more about the times I am not with my sweet husband.
• Really its about a redefining of who I am in a good way. Loosing my job at high street and transitioning for this stage as a stay at home wife has left me with many great questions on...
• Where is God taking me?
• Where is God taking my husband and I?
• What will God have for us as a family?
• What is it that I really like to do?

In that playroom a few weeks ago my friend reminded me of that silly movie Julia & Julia. More than that she shed light on a conversations that Julia Child has with her husband Paul.

tonight I watched that movie again. and I believe that Julia & I have that same spirit about us.

in a cafe in Paris...

Julia: sigh... What Should I do??

Paul: About what?

Julia: I don't REALLY want to go back into government work. Shouldn't I find SOMETHING to do? Wives... They don't do anything here. That's not me, Its JUST NOT ME.

Paul: I know.

Julia: I saw a notice on the bulletin board at the embassy, Hat making Lessons.

Paul: You Like hats.

Julia: I do... I DO.

Paul: (with deep care in his voice) What is it you REALLY Like to do?

Julia: EAT!!! (much Laughter and smiles)

I feel like the world is telling me that I Should do this or that. Yet one of the most beautiful things about this pivotal part for Julia, is that this launches her on this quest to find what is Good, she does not listen to the things that should get her down, or the people that question why she would even need to embark on these different activities. She presses forward trying one things after another, until she finds her passion, and what brings her life. I see that God call's us to just that!

1 Thessalonians 1:3

We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.

So my new quest is not to begin making a cook book... although that has crossed my mind. But the Quest is to simply to be prompted by LOVE & HOPE... to venture forward to see what Cool things are out there for the Koenig's. This is something I think we have been doing... but in my funk, I think I forgot that. So I will try new things these days and it may be a while before I "KNOW" what is next for a career, for a hobby, and just what my free moments as a wife will hold. Only God knows what these "Free Moments" carry. Its those moments that I am walking boldly into. Feel free to suggest ideas and don't be offended if I don't do them... :)

Ideas already on my mind most which will never come to be but seem cool... Things like:

Become a coffee Roaster, open an etsy sight, Paint again, Cake decorating Class, Learn how to use a fancy Camera, decorate and organize the solarium to our office and studio (that could take some money but mostly time... good news I have that). Write something besides a blog.

What does a Stay at Home wife do?

DISCLAIMER: This is a valid question. Not meant to offend. And this is not the time to say have children. Don't worry we want kids someday. Its up to God when he brings them. And now my blog.

With my new found freedom, in joblessness for a time, I have come to the place where i wonder truly, "What Does a Stay at Home Wife do?".

Now please do not worry, there has been time to grieve, and I have grieved, and most likely will grieve some more. I have spent time being sad, and a bum on the couch, but lets be honest it only take a few weeks to catch up on your favorite tv shows that you haven't had time to watch. I have and will continue to get that extra renewal and time with God, which has been a blessing & in this time off. I have cleaned some here and there, & plan on continuing that as well.

Being a woman who was married at 30 and have worked all of her adult life. I find it almost conflicting to not have ANYTHING to do. I know that there have been seasons of time where people are stay at home wife's. I know there will one day be a time to be a stay at home mom. but the reality is that the world of staying home without a job baffles me. So I am here asking a question looking for some answers besides barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. This just will not do.

I have watched plenty of "real Housewives of..." and that's not me, I love Desperate housewives, but i just can't where that much jewelery, or have that many schemes. What does the regular House wife do with their time?

i need your help! Lets hear some responses.

trusting where God Leads us.

I have delayed in blogging about this because its really just to hard to write about. A few months ago our church began the conversation about finances and cut backs. It is no surprise that the reality that the financial situation for everyone is not great. In the last few years the financial reality never really seemed to effect me, I think I just played oblivious and thought my job was safe because, who lets their pastor's go?? I remained in the clouds of no no one would ever be let go at our church. As we all on staff began to cut back budgets and spending drastically, it just was not enough.

As a newly married couple. Before the choice was made for us, we knew we needed sometime to seek what God would have for us. Before we where married we talked about one day what it would look like, or what would need to happen if I where to be at home, and had projected it would be at least a few years into our marriage. More than anything, when we went to the Lord first separate and then together, the Lord kept saying the same thing to us, "No matter, what this is MY plan, and this is what I have for you guys". So on hard days one of us would always have to remind each other what God had been saying to us, and we together had to Trust that "No Matter What THIS WAS WHAT GOD HAD PLANNED FOR US."

The deacons, met, prayed, lost sleep, and finally landed on my position as Youth Pastor, would be eliminated. WHAT??!!?!?! Yet those words God has sweetly given us, "No Matter What THIS WAS WHAT GOD HAD PLANNED FOR US." So I asked God, "Surely this was not what he had in store for us" i mean, they, we, the church had to have heard wrong, right God?? With what seem like silence from God, my husband first laughed at my judgment of second guessing God, and then in his sweet tone, said Melinda, this is what God has for us, even though we don't like it right now, this IS His plan for us. So I cried, and walked through all the stages of Grief, i stayed the longest in anger stage, & ultimately we knew that our only choice was to Trust God.

On my last day of work (June 30Th, 2010), i was asked to drive to pick up the church suburban from the shop. Since November of 2005 I have loggedmany hoursdriving the church vehicles. I never thought I would be so sad to drive a vehicle for the last time as an employee. As soon as I sat in the car my tears began to fall, the five-ish miles home seemed like an eternity. I began to think of all the wonderful memories we have had in these cars, from pee your pants moments, to singing at the tops of our lungs, to deep God conversations, to miles upon miles of all over.

This has been rough for both Pherf & I. My emotions have been a roller coaster. I have loved these moments with these students, and we believe we have finished our ministry well. My Edge & Oasis students old and new! We love you and we will always be here for you! We want to hear your happy moments, sad moments, and God Moments!

life love and other mysteries...

It has been far too long since I have graced these pages with words. I believe its time to come back to the world of blogging. This last weekend we attended a wonderful friends birthday party and my friends mom happily said, "I read your Blog" sheepishly I replied about my lack of posts, and how we both tend to not blog as much any more. Sadness! So I return. Sooo much has happened. Where does one even begin to start with....

This Post was started in feb... its now almost July! That is almost 5 months later!!!

What has happened...

on September 27, 09 I married the love of my life. It was a day more hot than I care to admit. Funny how I said that I would never get married outside... then again I also told God I

wouldn't: Go to school in fresno, work at a church, work with jr highers, & I would NEVER marry a cop! Who knew that all of my fears would turn into some of my deepest loves. God has a funny way of dealing with my heart, "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." luke 12:34.

I never figured it out until God opened my eyes to how my heart was captured by all these things.

On of the best thing about our wedding was that we had so many people that we loved by our sides. We where overwhelmed by all the people that loved us through this day, but really through this amazing season! I cannot express the love we felt, nor the reality of the outpouring of hospitality from our friends and family.

"I took a picture so you could Blog About it"

This last Friday I embarked on and adventure that quite honestly I had only been on something similar once before. My Fiance loves to bring people together, and more than that loves to allow anyone that wants to join join, and more than that loves a great adventure. One of his hopes is that we can enjoy some of these adventures. Trying to be the loving and supportive Fiance that I am, I agreed over a month ago to accompany him on this days journey. 

As the days moved closer, I began to ask more questions as to what the day might hold. 

There would be a 3 mile hike in, and a 3 mile hike back out, we would walk along some rocks in the river, we would find a waterfall, stop at places to cliff jump off of, and swim through many pools of water. I would need my outdoor shoes, a camel back, & any item to join us would have to know that, "on this adventure, everything gets wet!"

Everything seemed fine... until a few days before the trip... I begin to realize that even though we are a few months before our wedding I am in the worst shape of my life... this excursion could be painful. I also recalled the last time i was at a hiking adventure and remembered THE ROCKS. Oh the Rocks, how I hate them. If we combine my lack of Balance and fear of Falling the thought of walking on WET rocks TERRIFIED ME. 

Melinda, "Are these rocks, small rocks?"  

Pherf, "No, they are these really great boulder rocks, that are all kinds of different sizes, and really fun to walk on"

Melinda, "would you say that the rocks are a Small portion of the trip?"

Pherf, "Ehh I would say they are more than half of the trip"

Melinda, "....silence.... long pause....."

Pherf, "You ok my love??"

Nothing in me wanted to back out, but I had to tell him, I was terrified to go on this trip. I didn't want to embarrass myself or him in front of his friends. So after a long conversation and an amazing Fiance assuring me that everything was going to be OK...and that if I didn't want to do something I didn't have to.

We started our day with collecting our crew of 13 random people. We began our decent in I felt pretty good about it and was having wonderful conversation the whole time... don't mind me sweating horribly. eeek. After a few miles on the fire trail, we made it to the top of the trail that would lead us down to the River. There at the top we ran into many of my people seeking the same river and waterfall we where going to. Of course the boy talked with them and payed no attention to the man with the machete, but calmly (of Course) asked if they had gone before and if they knew how to swim. apparently I am the only mexi that was excited about the swimming portion and apparently everyone else was fine with these stupid rocks.

I must say that for me the "prideful person" that I am was indeed frustrated with the rocks. I slipped, I stepped on every unsteady rock, my feet slide off and under half of the rocks, I was most constantly the last person on the adventure to catch up to the group. 

In the midst of one of my "Moments of Frustration" I looked up to see my fiance, just smiling at me. On numerous occasions he just... he just loved me well. He encouraged me, and was just so happy that I was with him. My attitude, was littered with sadness that I was not  in shape, with fear that my muscles where about to give, & my knees could take no more. 

Yet my love, smiled and held my hand, and hugged me as I felt like I was done. More than anything he loved me beyond what I expected. I expected him to be mad at me, or be embarrassed by me... all my expectations of how someone would treat me where thrown to the side. 

Many times as he held my hand and patiently walked with my I felt my emotions rise, as he calmly looked me in the eyes and said, "your letting your frustration get the best of you, relax I am here with you, I love you."

...Who am I that I should deserve such love from a man... when I look back at this silly day I am in awe as how God used it to show me once again that I am so easily down on myself, and so un-willing to accept help from others especially those I love. I couldn't take my eyes off the rocks because I felt trapped in a prison of fear. I could not enjoy the company, nor the beauty that surrounded me due to my fear. The Psalm comes to my mind. ohh the lessons from this Psalm, sigh... The older I get the more I have to learn and re-learn.

Psalm 121

"I lift my eyes to the hills -

Where does my help come from?

My Help comes from the LORD,

the maker of heaven & earth.

He will not let your foot slip - 

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you - 

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

Nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm - 

he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both NOW & FOREVERMORE."

Venessa is in India...

Hey Gang some of you may have know but Venessa took off for yet another adventure serving God this summer. Last year it was Africa and this year its Calcutta, India. As I drove her to the airport monday july 6th, we talked about how uncertain this trip was. I could not get over how I was not sure what this trip would do for her...How when I prayed I felt as though something would be different. What I am not sure... So my prayer has been that God would use her and work in her heart for a lesson that is unknown to me and venessa. God knows what is to happen in her heart. I feel like there as you read her words below that you will see his workings already. Check back here for info, and updates.

One thing for sure, She arrived safley in india, with only minor confusion and PRAISE GOD she met up with her team!!

Here are some of her updates so far:

JULY 7th
"i'm paying like a buttload to e-mail for a sceond, but i just wanted to say that i got here. i have never sweat before in my whole life, my clothes are actually soaking. i am in a bit of a shell shock." - venessa

JULY 9th
"this has been a blessing...my crew happened to come in a day early, right when i was signing off gracie was able to get my e-mail and i guess they bumped their flight up...i was able to race down to the airport in what seemed like a bumper card...i actually put my backpack in front of me just in case we got in a wreck and could protect the front of me from being stabbed by some piece of an auto...not joking. the amazing thing was that she e-mailed me before i had even sent her e-mail so i was kinda a surprise at the airport. i waited for like an hour and was just so blessed for the lord's protection. i woke up at 4 am this morning to rinse off outside and before i put my clothes back on i was in a thick layer of sweat. i sorta lost my appetite when i got here yesterday morning, so other than the starburst that melinda bought me that i had this morning...i have had no substance of food since on my plane at 2am. i am hoping to force feed food down my throat tonight. jayne gave me some books for my devo and i have been so blessed....can someone maybe forward this to her.......it is so overwhelming and yet it felt so wonderful to wake up at 3am and here a man outside singing out prayers....it was that wake up call where you realize...im not in kansas anymore.....i literally feel like i am in the jungle book....only the sad version of jungle book, the one that disney would ever put out. anyways, i have to go...must e-mail the madre before time runs out...i may have a chance to sneak in here tomorrow..." - venessa

July 11th, 2009
"sorry i am writing so much hahaha. i never guessed i would hahaha. today was our first day at the mother house volunteering. i couldn't decide if i wantd to be at the house of the dying or with the sick and handicap children....in the end i chose to be with the children...i kinda got a little feverish and almost passed out when we visited a friend who works at kaligaut (the house of the dying) after i saw some leg wounds with maggots crawling in it. i hate that i don't have the stomach for things lke that, i felt like i would be more of a pain walking away every time something made me sick...i was quite disappointed with myself, and had to remind myself that we all have different gifts....working with the kids was way harder than i thought. it is basically the same thing only they are children and i really just didn't know what to do...here we are experienced nannies/teachers/people who love children and we didn't know what to do and just felt so inadequate. i have so much admiration for the sisters and the begali women who work there day in and day out. they give us volunteers a chai and piece of bread break...and yet they don't take a break once. there were two little girls who didn't have eyes...everytime i looked at them my eyes would get watery- ... at mass there is a statue of mother teresa where she always sat in the corner and worshipped....its cheesy i know....but ever time i caught it with my eyes i would swell up again..just seeing the way she sat...how uncomfortable we all are with our bug bites, the heat and position of sitting....and here she/the all are i their suris, washing out of a lil bucket...im a wreck to say the least....but i am so glad i have a community here to experience this with. my emotions have gone down the toilet....so anything gets me now hahah. one of the sisters pulled me to the side and asked to look at the back of my leg...which apparently, got attacked with bites all over it and she was worried about me...i wasn't worried until i was surrounded by sisters gasping at my leg...and how did i not notice or feel them.....we came to the conclsion after they took me to the clinic that i have bed bugs. so gross. the surprisingly hurt so bad...and anytime we are on the streets someone comments on them....so i just have to go to bed again and hope that maybe they will get tired of eating me or eat my other leg to make it even. we will see. hahah so with that i have to go...we ae going around the corner to grab food but i will most likely check in tomorrow after the mother house. love you" - Venessa


So those are the updates as of now...Keep praying for my amazing friend who once was afraid of doing anything like this, who is in the midst of serving in conditions I hate to say I am afraid to walk in. I am proud of her and praying like no other for her.

times & title changes

It is hard to believe that in the fall of 2005 when I first came to Santa Cruz as we pulled 2 part time jobs together to create one job. From that point on my job began to morph and change, next I became the youth assistant, to the assistant youth pastor and now 4 years later, on July 1 2009, I become the Full Time Youth Pastor of jr high & sr high ministries at High Street Community Church.

These last four years have brought me joy, laughter, growth: spiritually and emotionally, tears, struggle, depth, and happiness. I have learned more than I had ever expected from my students, volunteers, and my boss (now the former Youth Pastor Todd Trowbridge)

, lessons I will never forget, lessons that I am forever grateful for. Know that Todd is still around at church... God has just moved him around a bit, he is now an associate pastor taking care of children & administration at HSCC.

Todd & I worked as a team in this ministry of jr & sr high ministries. We found that we where most like siblings, knowing when we did something that it would make the other person mad and knowing exactly what buttons would be pushed, and knowing when to push for excellence, and when to pause in grace.

We fought over students souls, we dug for the best topics and lessons we wanted our students to understand about who Jesus is.

So where is this new adventure taking us... I don't know, but what I do know is that, my heart is, scared, excited, fearful, filled with eager anticipation, and praying for full confidence that we are right where God has us. Hope, is what I have. Hope that God will continue a good work here at High Street in Oasis and Edge. My heart still wrapped in love for students and volunteers, and parents, to come to an understanding of who God created them to be.

Pray for continual smooth transition, and life in the ministry that is before us. Pray for Pherf and I as we walk into our first year of marriage, and more ministry than we have had before, that we be wise with our time and balance our love for people, ministry, family, and our new beginning. Pherf and I have prayed, cried, and processed through this. we believe High Street and the jr & sr high ministries are where God has called us right now.